For Husbands and Wives, Grow, Spiritual Gifts, Well-being

40 ways to build up and encourage your spouse

We all need to encourage our spouses daily.

I wrote this post with a lot of he, his, and hims. This is because I am writing as a wife who is wanting to encourage her husband, but this is not to say that they cannot be used for wives. They can! It just got super weird with all the he/she, him/her, etc. so I kept it simple and wrote as a reminder of what I can do for my spouse.

Read more: The shift: belief and love as building blocks

It is easy to get burnt out on the day to day tasks: works, house keeping, cooking, errands, parenting… the list goes on and on.

It is easy to overlook a lot of little things our spouses do as it’s just part of normal. Every now and then, it is nice to hear “thank you for making supper”, “thank you for the long, hard hours at work you have put in”, “I’m proud of you”.

Everyone loves to feel encouraged every now and then. It may just give us a boost in spirit as we continue the tasks we may not like doing or feel burnt out over.

The shift

Over the past couple years, especially, we have really seen a positive change in our relationship. This is not to say our marriage was bad before. We just weren’t focusing on how we could serve each other. We took many things for granted. We didn’t manage our home time well. We didn’t feel as valued as we should have.

Read more: The discovery that changed my life journey

Yes, we are not entitled to this, but we should have encouraged one another and sung praises of each other. We needed to show our love in different ways and appreciate the little things more.

We had to find a new balance for ourselves. For each other. For our marriage. For our daughter (now pluralized).

As wives, we are called to be submissive to our husbands, but we aren’t told to be doormats for abuse or neglect. On the contrary, husbands are told:

25 Husbands, love your wives [seek the highest good for her and surround her with a caring, unselfish love], just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify the church, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word [of God], 27 so that [in turn] He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy [set apart for God] and blameless. 28 Even so husbands should and are morally obligated to love their own wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own body, but [instead] he nourishes and protects and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members (parts) of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined [and be faithfully devoted] to his wife, and the two shall become [e]one flesh. 32 This mystery [of two becoming one] is great; but I am speaking with reference to [the relationship of] Christ and the church. 33 However, each man among you [without exception] is to love his wife as his very own self [with behavior worthy of respect and esteem, always seeking the best for her with an attitude of lovingkindness], and the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear].

{Ephesians 5:25-33 AMP}

When a husband treats his wife as the passage above says, wives and husbands can function together looking out for each other’s best interests. Being submissive isn’t meaning that the wife is inferior to her husband, it means that she trusts him and respects him as the head of the spiritual home and encourages him as he is accountable to God.

Taking Proverbs 31 into account, it is apparent that the husband is to trust, rely, and believe in her as much as she does to him (Proverbs 31:11-12). It is a mutual role where each much trust, rely on, and believe in each other at various times and in different ways. The roles may change and shift, but one thing is for certain, we need to positively encourage each other to protect the delicate balance within our marriage and not resent each other along the way.

Read more: Powerful Proverbs 31 virtues that improved my life

One thing that has really resonated with me lately is that my husband is God’s son. One day, when my girls are all grown up, how do I want them to be loved from a parent’s point of view? I have taken a step back and asked how God would want his son to be loved and treated. I’m trying to do God proud by loving my husband how He intends him to be loved. I’m not perfect, but I sure try my best.

Over the last couple years, I’ve come to seek ways to build my husband up and to encourage him. These are my favourites. Maybe they can inspire you with ways to encourage your spouse. Enjoy!



40 ways to build up and encourage your spouse

  1. Pray for him daily.
  2. Every now and then, let him know that you prayed for him.
  3. Pray for God to help you love His son well.
  4. Encourage him to keep God as his #1.
  5. Tell him that you are thankful God placed him in your life.
  6. Say ‘I love you.’
  7. Tell him one thing you love about him (change it up to use this one over and over).
  8. Remind him often that you love him (yes this is similar to #6; a heartfelt I love you can do amazing things).
  9. Write him a love letter; mail, email, or leave it on his pillow (as examples).
  10. Thank him for something he does, especially the mundane tasks.
  11. Find a way to make him laugh or smile.
  12. Do something fun and spontaneous together.
  13. Send him a text to let him know you are thinking about him
  14. Do something on his to do list.
  15. Complement him.
  16. Let him know how he has inspired you or impacted your life.
  17. Have eyes only for your husband.
  18. Give him grace when things don’t go well.
  19. Forgive him.
  20. Encourage him when he wants to try something new.
  21. Encourage him when he find ways to use his spiritual gifts.
  22. Praise him when he does things he isn’t skilled at and encourage his efforts.
  23. Take genuine interest in things he says; remove distractions and actually listen.
  24. Love him as he is. God and your spouse are the only ones that can change him, not you. All we can do is love them and pray for them.
  25. Let him sleep in a little longer when he needs it; a good night’s sleep can go a long way.
  26. Give him some moments with God.
  27. Encourage him to spend some time on a hobby.
  28. Determine his love language and try to speak to it.
  29. Ask him if there is anything you can do for him today.
  30. Honestly comment on his gifts and talents.
  31. Ask if he has any dreams or aspirations. Try to see if you can help make them happen.
  32. Speak positive words to him.
  33. Ask him how you can help him destress.
  34. Only speak positive words about your spouse to others.
  35. Let him know you were thinking about him and get him a little treat when you are out of the house. (for my husband, peanut m&ms are always a hit.)
  36. Leave a love note on the steering wheel of his vehicle, with his lunch, in his jacket pocket.
  37. Kiss him before you part ways each day and tell him that you love him or that he is special to you.
  38. Kiss him good night.
  39. Pray together over triumphs and struggles. Give it to God. Assure your husband that any struggles you will get through together and that you stand behind him.
  40. Thank God for the blessing He has given you by placing your spouse in your life. You can even do this out loud in prayer for your spouse to hear.

Blessed

I am so beyond blessed that God placed my husband in my life. There have been bumps along the way, but by focusing on the positive aspects of our life, there has been so much more happiness in our lives. Some days, the positives may be as simple as having each other and the breath of life in us, others in may be more numerous.

Praying this list may be a blessing to anyone who needs it. Give it a try and see how your husband or wife responds. I’d love to hear what you’re doing to encourage, inspire and build up your spouse.

Many blessings to you! Thank you to all who are following me on my journey; if you aren’t already, please feel free to follow me to get notifications of new posts.

Have you prayed for or found a way to encourage your spouse today?

Feel free to comment below with anything you do to encourage your spouse, how I can pray for you, or any other comments!

A white basket is filled with pink roses. The text says 40 ways to build up and encourage your spouse
Each and every day, we should seek a way to encourage or build up our spouses.

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28 thoughts on “40 ways to build up and encourage your spouse

  1. I always love encouragement and biblical wisdom on marriage. Thank you for reminding me of these important truths and giving me some more great ideas on how I can support and love and serve my husband.

    1. I’m so glad you enjoyed them. It’s been a topic that has been pressing on my heart to share. Thank you for your kind comment. Have a blessed day!

  2. Such a great post! Key message, “As wives, we are called to be submissive to our husbands, but we aren’t told to be doormats for abuse or neglect”.. Sometimes people misunderstand the first part.
    Love the 40 ways you listed above.

    1. Yes! I totally agree. If my husband can put up with my bad days (any my good days), I need him to know how much I love and appreciate all he does. Thank you for your comment. Have a blessed day.

  3. This is such an uplifting post and full of wonderful ideas! Thank you for sharing it, I’m going to tweet this as I think it’s something more people should be trying to do, encouraging those we love and building them up! 🙂

  4. This is such an uplifting post! Thank you for sharing it. It’s nice to get the encouragement and ideas for how we can build up the people we love. I’ve scheduled to tweet this too as I think it’s such a good post! 🙂

    1. Thank you so much! Sorry for the reply delay, this was marked as spam for some unknown reason. Thank you for such a kind comment and for tweeting it as well. Have a blessed dayl

  5. Validating someone -not only your spouse – is absolutely essential for a relationship’s well being – can be friends, parents, lovers, any relationship actually. Validation is the key, and one of its action is encouragement 🙂 Great article!

    1. This is so true. I wrote from one perspective, but encouragement goes so far for every human being in this world. Thank you for your comment. Have a blessed day.

  6. Thanks for putting it down. It is really important to encourage each other to have a long term healthy relationship

  7. This is so important! These are simple ways to continually show support for another person and grow together in love. Those little things really do add up…or help to break things down, if not practiced regularly. My fiance and I do many of these things on a daily basis, and I love surprising him with little treats as you suggested. Sometimes he’ll text me out of the blue and say “On my way home with dinner!” and it’s such a treat knowing I can just come home and relax and not have to worry about cooking or cleaning up all those dishes afterward.

    1. Love it! That is so awesome. It’s amazing what little surprises or supports can do. They all add up. Praying you two continue it into your marriage and that your marriage thrives as a result of encouraging and supporting on another. Thank you so much for your comment. Have a blessed day!

  8. Good stuff, Amanda. Love the tips. I think we often forget to be intentional in marriage to encourage, pursue, flirt, and engage. All the things we did when dating. Thanks for the post!

    1. It is true. Most of us take our marriage and spouses for granted far too often. I think a marriage should take more effort and work than when dating if the marriage is to stand the test of time. At least that has been my experience so far. Marriage isn’t always glamorous haha. Thank you for such a lovely comment. Have a blessed day!

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