For Husbands and Wives, Grow, Well-being

The shift: belief and love as building blocks

How often do you hear negativity in your day to day life?

Everywhere you turn, it seems like negativity is lurking. It is even in our homes. Belief and love are slowly erasing themselves as commonplace.

Many of us are guilty of this. We may have been negative towards strangers, coworkers, friends, our kids, our spouses, and ourselves.

It is amazing where it hides when you consciously look for it and make a point of keeping it away.

Be the change

Some people are drawn to drama and negativity for many reasons. Some get so caught up in negativity that they cannot find their way out – negativity breeds negativity.

You cannot force them to change, but you can be an example.

Read more: Do your self images give you life?

Two sayings I’ve encountered are: laughter is the best medicine. Smiles are contagious. (I promise this is the last stereotypical saying I use this post).

By smiling at others, offering kindness, or simply being positive, you could turn someone’s day around. This can go a long way for somebody who is going through a rough time.

Read more: 5 ways you can share your gifts locally


Negativity is counter-productive

The bible gives us insights into how we should act and think. Proverbs 31, which discusses the wife of noble character, talks about what we should be doing with our words.

26 She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction].

27 She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat.

{Proverbs 31:26-27}

We are not to indulge in gossip. Not in discontent. Not in self-pity. We are to use our words for providing godly wisdom and spreading kindness.

How often do you spread negativity? Are you guilty of this time to time?

Are you spreading kindness? Is there a way you can increase this?

Now to get to the point of this post…

Negative Talk

Far too often we hear spouses talk negatively about their partners.

He can’t do this… She doesn’t do that… He… She…

It is one thing for there to be an actual problem that the spouses need to work through, but the doubting of abilities is what stands out to me.

We breathe life into the words we speak. By always saying things like “she never has the dishes done when I get home from work”, “he never fixes the sink”, “she can’t cook to save her life”, “he can’t fix a car”, etc, we are actually harming our spouses and their self esteem.

We are almost convincing them of a “truth” behind our words, especially if said repeatedly. As a wife, I am to love my husband and therefore speak out of love. He should be able to trust and rely on my words.

Even if in jest, repeated exposure to negative, doubting words and comments, our spouse may come to believe what we are saying. They may give up. They may never try.

That is the real shame in it all: when the spouse stops trying or doesn’t want to try because they are convinced they can’t.

The shift: enter belief and love

There needs to be a shift in how we treat our spouses. Into the words we speak. Into the life we breathe into our words.

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

{Philippians 4:13 KJV}

Our spouses deserve to believe that we stand behind them in everything. Even if those ventures seem fruitless or crazy at the time (I have sat back through some things I thought were crazy, only to have them turn out way better than I could have imagined).

Our spouses deserve to know that they can do anything with Jesus beside them.

We need to believe in them. We need our spouses to believe Philippians 4:13.

By loving our spouses and building them up with love and belief in their abilities, amazing things can happen. Maybe they’ll try new things. Or maybe a new hobby. Maybe they’ll try to fit the roles you once said they couldn’t.

We need to focus on the positive.

No matter how small.

By doing so, you are setting an example to those around you. People may ask what your secret is. They may ask how you are so happy.

If you have children, they will see this behaviour as well and can use it as a model for how they treat others as well. It can start a positive cycle.

If you haven’t today, share a positive remark to your spouse. Laugh, smile, do something to show your love and appreciation. This definitely helped us through the lowest part of our marriage.

You may be surprised how trying to eliminate doubt and negativity will impact your marriage, even if you think it is great at this moment!

By driving out negativity and giving it no place in your home, only positivity can reign. Only God can reign in your home.

Many blessings to you! Thank you to all who are following me on my journey; if you aren’t already, please feel free to follow me to get notifications of new posts.

Feel free to comment below with any ways you are building up your spouse, how I can pray for you, or any other comments!

Various tiles are scattered about. There is a make-shift scrabble tile holder with the letters l-o-v-e on it.
Belief and love are crucial as we support and love in our relationships.

2 thoughts on “The shift: belief and love as building blocks

  1. Ooh negative talk. Many couples, especially wives, do like indulging in this. It’s easy to see in others, but I must confess that I do it, too, without a thought, and then end up regretting it. Thank you for this reminder!

    1. It’s a reminder we all need. It’s a hard shift, but it gets so much easier when talking to or about our significant others. It is everwhere and I pray we can all see it in ourselves and acknowledge it. And most of all, that we apologize for it. Our husbands or wives are so worth it. Thank you so much for your comment. Have a blessed day.

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